Monday, August 23, 2010

Asking God

I have been thinking alot lately about my Christian life and if I was really truly happy with my spiritual life. The answer was no. I remember my best friend in high school, Katie, who passed away a few years ago, caught me totally off guard one day after school. She was my "religious" friend. I loved her because she had such a love for the Lord and I admired that. She asked me point blank, "Laci, if you were to die today would you KNOW for sure you would be going to Heaven?" I had to answer her honestly. No. I didn't think I would. I mean, I went to church and I believed in God but I didn't appropriately live the Christian life. I guess when I was younger I just thought as long as I went to church and read the Bible then I was all good. I grew up in the church. My parents were active and therefore my brother and I became involved as well. I loved my youth group when we lived in Edmond and I was happy with where I was. Still I couldn't answer my friend that I knew for sure I would be going to Heaven.

Fast forward a few years. I often thought of that question Katie had asked me. I guess I still didn't feel as though it had any relevance to me because, after all, I did go to church and by no means was I a "bad person". After Katie passed away I felt as though WOW, now this is serious. She was my age and we practically grew up together. Now she is gone and no doubt living in Heaven. So I'm back to her question. If I was to die right now would I go to Heaven? I felt like I needed to recify this situation if I ever wanted to see her again.

Tony and I found a church family very close to our home. We instantly felt a connection and I loved this congregation. We were welcomed at least 5 times before we even slipped into our pew. We felt like this was the right church for us. We placed membership within the first month of being there and began making friends. We felt wonderful here because everyone prayed for us through our journey of infertility and symphatized with us month after month after month of trying to get pregnant. After I became pregnant they still offered amazing support and I knew this was a group of friends I could count on.

Let's jump forward. After the birth of the triplets I felt as though we lost some of our faith. I felt as though our world was spinning around so quickly and somewhat out of control that we lost touch with our spirituality. Tony and I were constantly busy and just so consumed with our own grief and our own little life that we kinda shut out the people that we really should have turned to the most. I guess at this point we kinda felt like all we had was each other that nothing else mattered. We absorbed ourselves into Betsy with every fiber of our being and the world around us just kinda fell apart around us.

We have now come to realize that we need to walk a more spiritual path if we ever plan to see Grace and Olivia again. The thought of spending all eternity WITHOUT my babies would most certainly be hell. I've been wanting to reconnect with my church family but didn't know how. By this time it's been almost two years since the birth of the girls so by then all our friends had moved on and made new friends and we had turned down invitations so many times that we just didn't even get asked anymore. This had to change. This is going to be our forever church family and we need to pave the right path for Betsy.

So Sunday during closing song Tony and I went forward and wrote a letter to the church. It basically said the same thing I just posted. We asked for guidance and support as we try to become better Christians and to become better partners to each other but also to raise Betsy to follow the Word of God and to be molded into a Christian. There is no better way to show her how to be a good Christian unless we live it ourselves. We know we love God and we know we enjoy church but actually living it is something we both are willing to commit to do.

We had a few good friends come up to us and offer their support and these are the people I will most certainly be proud to call my Christian friends. I am super excited to reconnect with my church family. I think this will help me grow as a mother and become a better person. I think this will help me heal. I ask God for his guidance in helping my family become the kind of Christians we need to be. When I get to Heaven I want to see my best friend Katie hand me over my angel babies so I can rock them for all eternity.


Ashley and Jason Faucett said...

I LOVE this! Even though, I've gone a different path, I can totally relate! Also, as I read this, being that we live so close and have partly neglected getting back into church b/c we've talked about trying different ones, it might be a great opportunity! So, maybe that's something we should look into! We love you guys and hope you do stay strong on the right path!

Helping All Little Ones said...

What a wonderful post. How wise your friend was to ask if you knew you were going to heaven. I really don't know if I am but know that I have to make myself a better person so I too can see my angel again. Just from reading your blog over the last few months, I know you are going down the right path! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Nicki said...

I'm very sorry I missed hugging your neck Sunday. I didn't even know you'd gone forward until I saw the bulletin. I was with Jason in the back, he was having some sort of weird difficulty Sunday morning. Anyway, I'm very glad to call you and Tony my Christian sister and brother! Love you guys!