Friday, May 13, 2011

Ruin my night

I had a wonderful day today. Tony was off all day and we got to spend the entire day together and then took Betsy to the Redhawks baseball game this evening. We had fun. Came home, put Betsy to bed and now we are watching the Thunder game on TV. I am literally sitting here trying to blog about something totally different when Tony flips the channel to the news. They are featuring this story about a couple who had tried for 9 years to get pregnant. They finally got pregnant and when they went in for an ultrasound it guessed it..triplets.

So then they talked about how the mother's water broke at 20 weeks (mine broke at 22) and she went on to deliver the babies (not at 20 weeks but not quite to 24. I missed how many weeks she was). Now who did they talk to on the news? Our fertility doctor, Dr Kallenberger, who talked about how the babies basically had no chance of survival. The mom went in for an emergency C-section and after delivery of the second triplet, the baby started to cry. They knew there was hope. The father went into the NICU and couldn't believe that he had three babies in three incubators. They didn't expect them to survive so it was amazing to see them in their beds.

So now the news are talking to Dr. Cho, also one of our NICU doctors, and he also talked about how the babies had a very slim chance of survival. All three babies weighed a little over a pound. Already I am starting to cry, just hearing the same doctors that we had talk the same talk we had had.

Then, of course, enter Dr. Scott, the pediatric eye doctor. Yep, we use him also and he saw Miss Betsy in the NICU as well. Dr. Scott went on say the triplets had the worst possible eye diagnosis EVER. They had a 95% chance of being blind. They decided to try some experimental medicine on the babies and less than 24 hours later they were cured. The disease was completely gone.

100 days later, five days after their due date, the triplets went home perfectly doubt miracles.

So I hate to say that this little news segment "ruined my night" but both me and Tony were sitting here saying that it made us really sad. And I do want to say that I am INCREDIBLY happy for this family. It's not like I wished their babies had died, no way. I know the pain and I know the hardships of infertility. I know how scary it is to deliver severely premature triplets. I am amazed at those three babies and I hope and pray they continue to grow and thrive. The only reason I say it ruined my night is because immediately my heart was heavy again. It hasn't felt that way in a while but hearing that story really made me sad. Click here to read the story.

I just think, WHY? I know, the infamous question. But why couldn't all three of my girls be miracles? Why couldn't we be watching this story and wanting to reach out to this family because we also had premature triplets that survived? I just don't understand circumstances sometimes and it KILLS me that we can't be the ones who have a happy story. Well, I know we have an INCREDIBLY happy story with Betsy. And please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change her for the WORLD! But why can't all my girls be here? Obviously it's possible.

I know God has the answers. I know it doesn't matter if I know or not because I could never, never understand God's plan. I just wish sometimes we could be the "one in a million". I wish every day of my life, with every fiber of my being, that we had our girls with us here. I pray for this family because I want them to be happy and I want those babies to stay healthy. But I also pray for healing of my broken heart. My wounds were reopened tonight and my arms are aching for MY triplets.


Daysha said...

Other than saying I'm so sorry for your pain, I just want you to i'm praying those wounds to be healed and a peace that completely transcends ALL understanding from God alone.