Brown Bunny

I have met so many other babylost mothers either through this blog, facebook or just support groups in general. Most of the mothers I have met place some kind of symbolism on their child in the form of animals. Whether it be butterflies, dragonflies, doves or even bluejays. Now that I put it in writing I can see the consensus is mostly things that obviously fly. I am the type of person that places symbolism on a lot of different things. I am very sentimental and believe in the 'signs' that I probably really just make up in my head if they seem appropriate to relate to something. Regardless, the story of my neighborhood brown bunny I think, is a pretty good one. Maybe you can find the symbolism as well.

When I was released from the hospital after I had the triplets, I remember so much looked different. I had been in the hospital on complete bed rest for over 2 weeks and so much looked different as I watched the road pass from the passenger seat window. The hospital is only a 10 minute drive from our house but there is lots of buildings on the way. I was surprised how some buildings were no longer standing, and there were even a few new ones. I don't know, just overall the entire world looked so different. Maybe I had too much on my mind. I had just lost Grace 3 days before and my other two girls were fighting for their lives. It was so weird to leave the hospital without them and so I am sure my mind was elsewhere. The point of me telling that is maybe I had seen this bunny before and just didn't realize it or even think about it.

So driving through the back of our neighboorhood I see this little brown bunny hopping around in someone's yard. At that very moment that I saw it I immediately placed Grace's symbolism on it. I thought to myself, 'I've never seen that bunny in all the years I've lived here and then all of a sudden I see a bunny?' It is pretty random to see a bunny hopping around freely. So very briefly I thought that was my girl Grace letting me know she was okay.

It was nice to see that bunny but to be quite honest I didn't think about it again. After all, I'm sure it was just a one-time thing to see it and so that was that. But a few days later after coming home from visiting the girls in the hospital I saw the bunny again. Except this time that brown bunny was sitting right in the middle of my yard. It had made it's way from the very back of the neighborhood to my yard. Not just anyone's front yard but MY front yard.

As soon as we would pull into the driveway he would hop away but that doesn't matter. He was THERE and he stayed just long enough for me to see him. This happened about 3-4 days in a row. So time passed, days turned into weeks and I began seeing the bunny less frequently. At one point I had actually gone many months without seeing him. Then very sporadically I would see him just hanging around. Sometimes in our yard, sometimes down the street. But he wasn't far.

Eventually I quit seeing that bunny and I just assumed he was gone. I am not sure on the life span of a bunny but after a few years of just seeing him on occasion it kinda got lost in my memory. It had been a long time since I had seen him. I finally saw him again coming home one evening in the month of June of this year and I stopped my car to take a picture but it was too dark. I guess I should mention I usually only saw him in the evenings. The only time I had seen him during the day was the first few months he started coming around. So, after the record-breaking heat we had this summer I got to thinking about that bunny and if he was still around and if he had found some shelter in the heat.

So a few months passed and once again, I quit seeing him that much. Late in the month of August, a dear friend of mine gave birth to her beautiful daughter, Hailey who was stillborn. That very day she lost her baby who popped up in my yard but that brown bunny. I literally got chills all over my body. Was it Grace letting me know she knew about Hailey and she was okay? I prayed that night that I would be able to be of some comfort to my friend Ashley and her husband and so maybe the bunny was put there to let me know all was going to be okay.

A few weeks later I had Ashley and her daughter over so she and Betsy could play. Ashley and I were sitting in the living room talking about Hailey, Grace and Olivia. I had the front door open because Tony had just come home. All of a sudden, brown bunny hopped into my front yard and stopped right outside the door as though he was looking right into the house. I almost started crying. So I told Ashley about the symbolism of the bunny and how strange it had been soooo long since I had seen him and he (1) shows up the day her little girl passed away and then (2) actually shows up DURING THE DAY--which has never happened--and shows up the very day she is at my house. I swear if that bunny doesn't hold some kind of symbolism then it's timing is just too perfect. I love brown bunny.